We all live our lives by a certain set of values, things that are central to our lives, to what we believe and what we shape our lives around. Sometimes we don't even consciously realise that certain things are "core values", but we live by them nevertheless. Goals are about what you do, whereas core values are about who you are. When our son returned from his first year at Bethel in America, he shared with us about how he has formed his own personal "core values", and I can see how these core values have genuinely shaped his life. They have gone deep into his heart, and we see the change in him as a result of this.
It inspired me to sit down and think about what my core values are. Not my church's core values, or my work core values or even our family's core values, but MY core values. What do I really, honestly believe and value in the depths of my heart? It's been so good digging into this and discovering my core values, and I will doubtless be digging into this one for a long time to come.
One of my top core values is that my Heavenly Father is good. He is ALL good, and He is ALWAYS good. It's so easy to reel off a string of impressive sounding words, or spout some wonderful ideals. But actually, the only time you will know whether you do truly believe and live by those core values is when "the rubber hits the road", so to speak. (Apologies if you haven't heard that expression before - I lived for 40 years in Zimbabwe and sometimes my two worlds collide and I can't remember which expressions are from where.)
In other words, most of us are pretty good at 'talking the talk', so much so that we often convince ourselves that we do believe things, just because we talk about them so much. But one of the most important journeys we get to go on is the journey from the head to the heart. We talk about the things we believe and the things we value, but only when "the rubber hits the road", you actually get in that car, press the accelerator and the car starts to move, will you know if you really believe it. Because that's when it sinks into your heart.
For me, the rubber is hitting the road right now. My Loved one has entered a new phase in her cancer journey, and things have shifted significantly. It's hard. It's really hard. I'm having to consciously and intentionally look for the beautiful wild flower moments as I walk through these Fields of Grace. Because they're not as easy to find now as they were at the beginning of the walk. There's not so many of them around now. But they are still just as precious, if not more so.
It's at times like this that we come face to face with the question: what do I truly believe? Is He REALLY good? When I'm looking pain and anguish square in the face, at a time when I feel like my heart is literally cracking and fragmenting inside my chest ...is He good then? Is He good when I have to watch my Loved one growing weaker by the day, and when the things she has always taken for granted (like the basic ability to look after herself) are rapidly eroding.
I am so grateful and so blessed to be able to say YES. Yes, my Father IS good. He is ALL good, and He is ALWAYS good. He is so kind, and so compassionate, and He is walking through those Fields of Grace with me, step by wobbly step. He is holding me when I feel alone or overwhelmed, He stills my heart when I feel confused, and He sits quietly next to me without saying a word, when I am too tired to talk or process any more.
He is unequivocally good. In the mist of the valley of the shadow of death, He is good. Psalm 23 is such a well known and often quoted psalm, and no wonder, because there are such nuggets of truth and life in it:
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
He is the Shepherd who is guiding us and watching over us as we walk through these fields. When we reach our limit and cannot go on, He restores our soul, loves on us, brings us moments of beauty and rest.
He doesn't take us away from the valley of the shadow of death, because the fact is that, because of what happened in the Garden of Eden, we live in a fallen world where there is illness and bad stuff happens - but He walks through the valley by our side, guarding and protecting us.
In the very place where our enemies of pain, grief and weariness attack us, He lays out a banquet for us and invites us to sit down and feast on His goodness, His love, His comfort and His blessings.
And yes, at the end of this journey we know that His goodness and mercy WILL follow us and that we will all be together again, because we are going to live with Him forever in the most beautiful world ever created.
And yes, I can say that I know that I know that I know that I KNOW that He is good.
Blog first published in July, 2017
Nicky Heymans is an author of historical fiction who is known for drawing fresh life and inspiration out of familiar Bible stories. She would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and clicking on the 'contact' link, and she will get back to you.
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