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Writer's pictureNicky Heymans

3 To Say Goodbye or Not to, That is the Question

Updated: Jul 6


Scrabble letters spelling 'Goodbye'.

Over the years I have heard many stories about people who weren't able to be at their loved one's bedside when they died, and who battled with grief and sometimes even guilt, because they didn't get to say goodbye to them.


I thought about this a lot, and it really bothered me. The bottom line is that I can't guarantee I will be there when my loved one dies, because in the majority of cases we can't pinpoint the time when they go to join their Father in heaven. Not being there to say goodbye carries a sense of not being able to get closure, and as human beings we tend to like closure, and the feeling of completeness and fulfilment that comes with that.


So I was praying about this 'saying goodbye' issue (actually, If I'm really honest, I was having a bit of a rant and a whinge!) and I said to God, "I don't want to say goodbye." He replied "Don't then. Don’t say goodbye." My immediate response was that there's no way I can not say goodbye – that's just wrong. But then He spoke to me and said "Don't say goodbye, say au revoir". (I just love the fact that He speaks French!)


I've heard ‘adieu’ and ‘au revoir’ used many times, but never really looked into their proper meanings, until now. This is what I discovered:


Adieu is a word that is used to bid farewell, especially when the person is leaving forever. There is an implication of not expecting to meet again behind the word adieu.


Au Revoir is a French word that is used when leaving a place or a friend, to convey 

“see you later” kind of feelings. This is like saying “until we meet again”. You can use this word whether you are meeting the person in another 5 minutes, 5 weeks or 5 years. Au Revoir has a hidden hope of meeting the person again.


So I decided I'm not going to say goodbye. Because it's not the end. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will see my beautiful one again and that, on that day, we will both be in complete health, glowing with the fullness of who our Father created us to be, full of joy and peace and laughter and love. I will get to giggle with her again and be silly with her again, to hug her and hold her, to worship with her and spend an eternity with her.


There is a particular sermon which was taught at our church a few years ago which stuck with me. It was about perspective, and the preacher used a very, very long rope to demonstrate visually what eternity might look like. He had coloured in a couple of inches of rope on the end that he held in his hand; this signified our life on earth. Then he proceeded to pull metres and metres and metres of the same rope onto the platform – in fact, there was so much rope that we never saw the end of it! That symbolised our eternity with Father. It was such a powerful picture of the fact that, although we get so consumed with the day to day challenges of our lives here on earth, they are actually just a tiny drop in the magnificent ocean of eternity. 


I find it hard to get my head around the concept of eternity - it's part of the mystery of how incredible our God is. But what I do know is that heaven is going to be amazing, that our Father is infallibly good and has planned good things for us, and that I will see my loved one again.


I shared my thoughts about goodbye and au revoir with her a few weeks ago, and she thought it was a brilliant idea. So as she gets a lot more tired and seems to be nearing her time, I won't be saying goodbye to her. Every time I leave her bedside, I will kiss her, look into her beautiful eyes, and say, "au revoir".


Blog first published in May, 2017

 


Nicky Heymans is an author of historical fiction who is known for drawing fresh life and inspiration out of familiar Bible stories. She would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and clicking on the 'contact' link, and she will get back to you.


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