Okay, hold onto your hats people - I've decided to join the ranks of the bloggers! I've thought about blogging on and off for quite a while, but it wasn't until last week that I thought seriously about it. You see, I'm on a journey at the moment. It's a hard journey, a journey full of pain and grieving, but also a journey which includes touches of beauty and moments of grace. Someone very dear to me was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, and hasn't got very much longer to live on this earth, although thankfully she has an eternity to live in heaven.
So why have I called my blog Fields of Grace? Well, last week I was worshipping God and praying about the situation and the journey I was on, and He said to me "you are walking through Fields of Grace." (For anyone reading this blog who is not a Christian, all you need to know is that Father God loves to talk to His children, and would love you to get to know Him). Now I love metaphors and creative language, and beautiful picturesque terminology, but I also need to understand what He means when He tells me things. And so I prayed, processed and asked Him questions, and began to understand what the Fields of Grace are.
I realised that you don't walk through a field when you want to get somewhere fast - if you're in a hurry you go by road in a car or bus, or take a train. You walk through fields because you love open spaces, because you enjoy feeling the warm sun on your skin or the cool breeze blowing in your face, or because the landscape and views give you a sense of freedom and perspective. Walking through fields is not something you do in a rush. There is a sense of taking time to enjoy the journey, to notice the little things like tiny wildflowers and beautifully crafted leaves, as well as the big things like the panoramic views and sweeping landscapes. It's about taking time to be, not rushing to do. It's about living in the moment, not worrying about what is to come.
I've realised that, as I walk this journey of learning how to let go of someone who I love so dearly, if I take the time to look carefully I will find those tiny little wildflower moments that are so precious. I can experience the warmth of the sun on my skin in the moments when Father's goodness is so tangible that I can almost feel it. I am learning to recognise the cool wind of the Holy Spirit which refreshes and strengthens me, even in the midst of tears and pain. There is beauty all around, if I will just take the time to see it.
There is beauty in being able to cry and grieve with other family members who are walking the same journey and whose hearts feel the same pain. Sharing our pain and vulnerability is beautiful because it brings us closer together in a unique bond that we would not otherwise experience if we weren't going through this together.
There is beauty in being able to care for and love and nurture someone who has spent their life caring for and loving and nurturing me. To be able to cover her with a blanket when she's cold, and tuck her in when she sleeps. To be able to fetch her a drink or make her a cup of hot chocolate because that's just what she feels like.
There is beauty in being able to talk with her about what she wants at her funeral, how she wants Jesus to be glorified and praised, and how she wants people to wear beautiful colours instead of black or navy blue. There is beauty in hearing her say how she's going to see her Jesus before you do, and how she is looking forward to chatting to Him.
There is such beauty in seeing this precious one stand up and dance around the room with my children, wiggling her bottom and laughing with them for just a few moments.
There is incredible beauty in seeing a woman whose body is steadily fading, but who is not sad or fearful or scared of dying. Just tired. Very tired.
I believe there is a special grace given to us by the Father for every season we walk through in life.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."
I want to walk in the grace of this season, to be able to laugh as well as weep, dance as well as mourn, and gain as well as lose. It is possible. I am closer to this beautiful woman now than I have ever been my whole life, because we are sharing moments of such raw authenticity on a level that we never have before. It is very precious.
When the Father told me last week that we are walking through Fields of Grace, He also told me to share my story with others. So, although this journey is intensely personal, I have decided to be obedient and share my journey in the hope that the things I am learning as I walk through my Fields of Grace might help someone else to find their own Fields of Grace in the journey they are on. And if you feel these blogs would be helpful to someone else who is walking through hard times, please feel free to share it.
Blog first published in April, 2017
Nicky Heymans is an author of historical fiction who is known for drawing fresh life and inspiration out of familiar Bible stories. She would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and clicking on the 'contact' link, and Nicky will get back to you.
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