And so it's done. My beautiful, funny, loving, caring, thoughtful and wonderful Mum has gone to be with her Jesus. This is her, with my Dad. Isn't she beautiful?
The funeral services were held five days after she died - a minor miracle in itself - and what a wonderful send-off it was. A private family service in the morning, the most precious time imaginable - no formality at all, just a time of sharing precious thoughts, poems, prayers and songs, with Steve Walford from Mums church CCK, who has pastored us through this journey in an amazingly strong yet sensitive way. And after the family service, the obligatory posing for family photos, giggles and laughter, which is one of the things Mum loved most about our family times together. I don't think the funeral guys had ever seen anything like it, but they seemed quite touched, and we were very open about why we were dressed in bright clothes and were celebrating, sharing our faith and joy about where Mum was! We spent the day together as a family, with a visit to the care home where Mum spent her last days and was so loved and well cared for, then hot drinks and toast for a 'late breakfast', lunch at the Devils Dyke restaurant, and then the Thanksgiving Celebration with friends in the afternoon.
My beautiful sister-in-law, Kate, suggested that each of us release a helium balloon while we were at the Dyke. This is done as a symbolic gesture of being able to let your loved one go, and you can watch as the wind gently carries the balloons higher and higher until they disappear into the white fluffy clouds. Such a beautiful thought. It was just a pity about the gale force winds that were blowing at the Dyke!!
Dad had a special gold heart-shaped balloon which didn't even do him the courtesy of waiting for the "one...two...three" countdown, but launched off on its own, disappearing into the clouds in seconds, leaving Dad standing holding a piece of ribbon with nothing attached to it! It was as if Mum was in a real hurry to get to heaven, and just couldn't wait. The rest of us stood, trying to keep our balance and not get blown over, clothes and hair billowing in the force of the wind, gripping our balloon strings with white knuckles, waiting for the countdown, and then dutifully let our balloons go at the right time. I say "let go", but it was more like they were ripped out of our hands by the wind, because they headed off horizontally at a furious pace, like they were all in some absurd race whose finish line was the clouds on the horizon!
It definitely wasn't what had been planned, but somehow it was just perfect. Mum would have been shrieking with laughter if she had been there in bodily form, and in fact I could almost hear her laughing as we watched the balloons disappear at a rate of knots into the clouds. We didn't have to stand in the blustery wind for long, because it was less than a minute before they were all totally out of site, and the pink dots drifted on the horizon.
The afternoon service was an absolute joy. Tears were shed, because Mum is so loved and has impacted so many people's lives, but there was also a lot of laughter and fun, which was exactly what she wanted. In her planning of the funeral, Mum insisted that no-one wear black formal clothes, and no-one was allowed to look miserable. So it was wonderful to see her friends, family, and even the pastor, Steve, wearing bright coloured clothes, with smiles on their faces. Lots of funny stories were told, testimonials and tributes to Mum shared, worship songs sung with loud triumphant voices, and a great time of sharing and getting to know people, with a lovely snack buffet afterwards.
The whole day I had a strong sense of how much Mum was enjoying it all. She certainly had fun planning her funeral (that was definitely one of the most bizarre and memorable meetings of my life!) and I know she must have loved seeing everyone in their bright clothes, celebrating her life and giving glory to her wonderful God. You see, Mum is very much alive - she's more alive then she has ever been, just in heaven, not here on earth with us. It is such a strange dichotomy - so many heartfelt tears, but also so much laughter and rejoicing because our wonderful Mum and Granny has gone home to heaven.
Mum lived her life so well. She took hold of life with both hands and revelled in every day that God gave her, living and loving fully. She also died well. Her death was just what we had prayed for ...a gentle slipping away, holding the hand of her beloved husband, on a Sunday afternoon, with no pain and no fear. I think it's fitting that, even through her death, Mum impacted people. The funeral Director who sat in on our informal Family Service was very impacted by the service, and we were able to share with him about our faith. The staff at Oaklands Nursing Home loved Mum so much, even though she was only there for 9 days, and in fact one of the nurses was so impacted by our family that she is going to come to church, and is well on her way to giving her heart to the Lord! Quite a few people at the Thanksgiving Celebration service said it was the best funeral they had ever attended, and they were very touched. It was a privilege for us as a family to "model" something that was apparently so different from the depressing funerals that are often the norm, and if people's lives were touched and their thinking challenged then what a privilege to be a part of that.
And so this journey, our steady walk through the Fields of Grace, comes to an end.
Or does it?
We have shared so many wildflower moments in these last seven months, and we've experienced the goodness of our Heavenly Father like never before. We will go through a time of grieving as a family, and we'll have to face the "firsts" together - the first Christmas without her, the first birthdays and anniversaries, the first time we do anything without her.... But maybe the journey doesn't stop just because Mum has moved on home. Maybe we can still walk through more Fields of Grace as we adjust to our new lives without our Mum and Granny here to guide us. Maybe we can still find some exquisite wild flowers and see some beautiful landscapes as we walk through this new season of our lives. Our Fathers goodness is never ending.
Can I ask you to do something for me? Months ago when I felt Father God told me to do this blog, I wasn't sure if people would even read it, let alone like it. It has been quite a vulnerable thing to do, sharing my heart about something so precious, and it would really help me to know that it hasn't been a waste of time, and that perhaps some people have been blessed or their hearts touched in some way by me sharing our journey. If that's you, can I ask you to "like" this final post? Please forgive me if that sounds self-indulgent, but it is strangely important for me to know that these blogs have made a difference in people's lives.
May you know His grace as you walk through your Fields of Grace.
Blog first published in July, 2017
Nicky Heymans is an author of historical fiction who is known for drawing fresh life and inspiration out of familiar Bible stories. She would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and clicking on the 'contact' link, and she will get back to you.
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